Ah ! The impostor syndrome, that unfortunate complex that we drag ourselves to the back of the table and that resurfaces every time we have to assert our legitimacy, exercise our authority, dare to embark on a new project and take up challenges.
Infinitely many of us feel this deception complex that sometimes blocks us outright, makes us miss opportunities or puts us in such discomfort that even if we do our job well, it is with a lump in our stomach, in the anxiety of being " unmasked ", disqualified or even rejected if we were to make the slightest mistake.
Come on, let's stop tying our brains for a moment and adopt a few tips to dispel the idea that we're not up to the task and to push back the fear that our world would collapse if it actually appeared that we don't always reach perfection.
What if we started by talking about it?
Did you know that 66% of women, 56% of men and 70% of children in GenY report suffering from imposter syndrome? That's a lot of people around you who doubt their ability to make themselves sick and would be willing to tell themselves any story to attribute their successes to luck, or even to the fact of having appropriated the work of others !
Try confessing to a few friends and family that you feel the impostor complex: there is between 5 and 7 chances out of 10 that you will be told " Oh ! You too ?!! But for me, it puts my spleen in a boil, this thing that regularly makes me have nightmares that I have to pass a big oral in a swimsuit on a subject I know nothing about." It already feels good, doesn't it, to feel less alone ?
Have you ever been around impostors, real ones?
Do you not feel legitimate and are you anxious ? This is not such bad news because it indicates that you are neither a scammer nor a psychopath. Because these personalities are precisely shameless : and that they pretend to be painters of genius quoting overpriced works when they are only forgers ; and that they infiltrate the celebrities by presenting themselves as outstanding investors to better empty their accounts without ever putting one of their pennies anywhere ; and that they present themselves as renowned doctors without ever having obtained the slightest diploma or ever worked...
Do you recognize yourself in one of these profiles ? The news stories that tell the story of these impostors fascinate us precisely because they resonate with the fear that sits in each of us of losing our minds one day. Except that there are still cursors : recycling part of someone else's work on a day when you didn't have personal brain juice to squeeze is not about taking yourself for the person you are inspired by.
Having once stolen a coin from mum or dad's wallet when you were a child or even been tempted to do a few " housekeeping " under the table to put butter in the spinach today, is not systematically a thief. " Value " your CV by inflating the scope of your responsibilities in a past experience is not about inventing a whole professional life for which you have none of the skills and experience.
All of us sometimes negotiate between the end and the means, play small transgressions or arrange reality to preserve our egos. It's human and it certainly doesn't make an impostor profile!
Breaking free from the Möbius complex
Except that we put a lot of morality into the matter of skills, status, responsibilities. Wouldn't this story go back a bit to the Möbius complex (also called the good student complex)?
Let's remember what this complex comes from : the confusion between working well and being a good person. When we have behaved well behaved in class, we have integrated the idea that giving satisfaction is not disturbing the teacher, except to show the right critical spirit that he intends to teach me.
When the parents congratulated us on our good grades, we felt that we deserved their love better, but we felt that being a " little learned dog" would not be enough to charm them.
And it follows us for a long, long time... As a result, when in the world of work, marked by paradoxical injunctions, ambiguities about expectations, and a hiatus between formal demand and informal reason, it is not uncommon for one to come up against a decision-making dilemma, or even a conflict of loyalty. I am encouraged to be ambitious ; I am told that what counts more is the potential than the achievements ; My spirit of initiative and my ability to challenge myself are valued...
I am therefore docile (in indocility) and I am applying for a position for which I do not (yet) have all the skills, I am speaking out on a subject on which I am not completely sure of my expertise; I dare new things because it is to shake the coconut tree that I was commissioned. Except that in the evening, in front of my mirror and then in my little bed, I feel dizzy : how far do I go too far ?
Setting the "How far go too far " slider
As it is constructed (at least in our societies), the career path calls for a certain amount of risk-taking : you have to dare to gain momentum, jump on the springboard and trust in your agility as well as in your will to move from one stage to the next. The experience is stimulating.
But it also inspires a legitimate fear of wallowing. A damned fear of creeping in at every key moment: refusal to take the start (" anyway, I'll never make it, I might as well give up "), loss of speed in the run-up (" Misery, what am I getting into..." I have to slow down the pace "), misunderstands the springboard (" Hop, I'm taking a little leap from nothing at all, with the tips of my toes, just to say that I've been there and back to the locker room and my comfort zone" or " Oh ! My god, I didn't know the springs were so powerful, I climbed so high so fast that I'm definitely going to have a hard time on landing ") and uncertain landing (" Name of a dog, did I do it? It wasn't really me, I wasn't capable of it" or " Damn, so, I did everything right until then and at the last moment, I staggered, bam, fell on my buttocks, legs in the air, everyone laughed, I made a fool of myself."
The key : negotiating the conditions for boldness
The gymnastic metaphor allows us to understand the imposture complex from the angle of negotiating injunctions to boldness. Are we being asked to surpass ourselves? Ok ! But not without guarantees. First, we take stock with lucidity of what skills we have acquired, potential to develop and flaws to fill.
The fact that those who encourage us to move forward are aware of who we really are will help us to assert our expertise without feeling expected at the turn of our weaknesses. In short, we share the responsibility for the risk, if not of failure, at least of controversies. It's reassuring.
Then we train. Ideally accompanied by a caring and challenging coach who allows us to define as precisely as possible what we feel capable of outside our comfort zone, and in what timing.
Then, we look for sponsors : there is no question of showing off without benefiting from support who believe in your value... And will be ready to promote it better than you if by chance doubt should assail you. Identify those around you who are unwavering : those who know that you are certainly not the brelle you sometimes think you are, who also know how to calm your ardor when the feeling of omnipotence awaits you, who keep you in the race when you falter, who set the record straight when your self-confidence is damaged.
