Having a social life is essential ! Numerous studies show that being around others is good for physical and mental health , that it slows down the effects of aging and of course that it contributes greatly to professional development. But social life is also a lot of demands : time to devote to, effort to make, postures to hold...

So, how do you make the most of an intense social life, without burning out? A short self-coaching session.

Identify your expectations with regard to social life

To have a fulfilling social life, you must first be clear about what you expect from your social life. Are we looking for people with whom to share interests ? People with whom to forge bonds of solidarity ? People to learn from? People with whom you feel safe ? Challenging people?

Let us observe our needs in terms of social life without make-up or shame. Yes, we try to value ourselves through our social life and that doesn't mean that we lack sincerity towards the people we hang out with. Yes, we sometimes appreciate being among ourselves, it doesn't make us hypocrites of inclusion. Yes, we rely on our connections to support us in our projects, it doesn't just boil us down to ugly utilitarian opportunists! The more aware we are of our expectations of our social life, the better we know how to balance our effort/reward ratio.

Training exercise

On a piece of paper, indicate a short-term professional goal (18 months/2 years) and map out the different supports you may need to achieve it. Think of internal support (your teams, your manager, your relationships in other departments) but also externally (your suppliers, your sponsors, etc.) as well as family and friends (which will help you strengthen your self-esteem, encourage you, stimulate your creativity, etc.).

Marrying pleasures... without (too much) mixing affects :  the virtues of the explicit

To clarify is not to classify. Just because you consciously expect a relationship to bring you certain benefits doesn't mean that you can't find others in exchanges. It's even a good thing (and it's human nature) to have fun, to laugh, to learn at the same time as you receive information, advice, support...

But be careful not to get into the confusion of affects. Gaining complicity does not necessarily mean engaging in a deep friendship. Being stimulated by the relationship does not necessarily indicate a relationship of seduction.

Being regularly invited to share moments with the same group does not necessarily mean that you belong to it. It is essential, in any form of social relationships, to mark out the evolution of the bond by means of explicitness : when a professional relationship turns into a friendship, it is important to say so. It is a question of knowing what we owe ourselves, in order to limit the risk of disappointment ; It is also a matter of making things legible for those around them, in order to avoid feelings of exclusion or favouritism.

Training exercise

On a piece of paper, make a list of what you expect in friendship ; on a second, what you expect from a colleague ; on a third, what you expect from a person you meet for the 3rd time at a party. Then, think about those around you: who exactly are you addressing these expectations ? Are these people aware of what you plan for the relationship with them ? If not, imagine how you could express it to them.

Give yourself REAL " time for yourself " for truer social relationships

Surprise ! In a piece of advice on the art of networking, we recommend that you also know how to isolate yourself... Yes, you have to give yourself time just for yourself, to recharge your batteries and be inspired, to refocus and strengthen yourself, before AND after socialization times. Before, because we have more curiosity, more availability of mind, less bias and more desire when we are rested, balanced and focused.

Also, this time for yourself must be truly " for yourself " : don't spend it scrolling on social networks or preparing for your next public speaking (or meeting). After socializing, it's also good to take the time necessary to anchor yourself: thank the people you met for the first exchanges and offer them to extend the relationship ; to deepen the subjects that we have discussed with them and to nourish the reflection that this may have provoked on one's own; imagine what we could initiate together...

Training exercise

Take a blank notebook.

Side A, you will write down day after day everything that relates to time for yourself, what you have thought about during an hour of daydreaming, what your hands have been occupied with, what you have read or listened to with pleasure... And what interrupted this moment (an external solicitation? your mental load? the desire to move on ? Sincerely note, it's interesting to look at afterwards with hindsight).

On the B side of the notebook, write down your time dedicated to social relations outside of your current relationships with your colleagues : contributions on social networks, meals with friends, participation in a moment of conviviality, etc. Indicate in a few words what you remembered from this moment, even things that seem anecdotal.

And at the end of each week, read it again. You will be able to become aware of many things about how you function in terms of social life, about the satisfactions you find in relationships (and in solitude, too), about what weighs you down more, about how you would like to better balance your time and energy.