1/ Normalize the difficulty 

A first point is necessary: normalize the difficulty presented by this double mental load. " It's a rhythm of life that often (if not always) proves to be tiring and complex to set up," notes Valérie Rocoplan. "And there's nothing abnormal about being able to admit it, without fear of the judgment of others." »

Acknowledging this mental load is even important for the perception we have of it. " Today, careers last a long time, and after the support of the children will come that of the parents," continues the professional coach. "You must therefore see the mental load as a part of your daily life that can be managed, discussed and above all regulated, rather than a fatality. Provided that you first negotiate well with yourself about your expectations regarding the representation of parenthood in society.

2/ Lower your requirements 

No one is forcing you to be the perfect father or mother. " It surprises me because more and more I am seeing a return to a vision of super parenting specific to the 1970s ," says Valérie Rocoplan. Like a new injunction (or not) to combine professional career, the role of the housewife and the specialist in her children's birthday parties.

" It's a subject that we talk about especially with young women and women in general: this obligation to be perfect women, perfect mothers, perfect managers," says the worker at the EVE Program. "It is therefore important to ask ourselves how we can reduce our relationship to perfection to a more reasonable logic. Is everything I do also consistent with my pace of life? Do I have to give so much to everything? " For 80% of the people I accompany, they are often the ones who set goals that cannot fit with a viable physical reality," says Valérie Rocoplan. Maybeit's time to lower the demands on oneself a notch?" 

3/ Redouble your communication 

We can't say it enough, the important thing is to communicate well. " When it doesn't work, we often realize that there have been no discussions beforehand between the partners or even with the children about what is possible or not," observes the specialist. However, this organization must be balanced, there is no reason for parents to sacrifice themselves for their children. " So we can set priorities as a family that can give rise to rules of the game," advises Valérie Rocoplan. Because mum and dad work, how do you make it go as smoothly as possible? How do you set rules when working from home to be at home without being cluttered?

For the couple too, this requires in-depth discussions about what a career means to each other, what ambition means ... " Not only on the organization of daily life but also on the projection we have of it," recommends the professional coach. Because it is often in this place that conflicts of values can crystallize. It is therefore necessary to detect them in order to find the common ground that will suit everyone.

4/ Negotiate with your employer 

Once the reflection on oneself and the discussions with one's family circle have been accomplished, the next step will be the negotiation with one's employer. What is important for the latter is the achievement of the objectives you have set together. "So this is the time to check that the objectives are achievable and to make sure that the conditions for achieving them are too," encourages Valérie Rocoplan. . The fact of not working on weekends, not responding after 7 p.m., etc. " It's about ensuring that the work will be done in accordance with these imperatives necessary for your life balance," explains the coach. In other words, to find a win-win framework together.

5/ Reinvest pleasure in your schedule 

Finally, one last piece of advice to soothe your mental load: " also think about yourself in the organization of the different times of life! Valérie Rocoplan asks. Because it is essential to take time for yourself and not only for the well-being of your professional and personal entourage.

Parents tend to perceive the development of this daily life through the prism of constraint, and rarely through that of pleasure. " But if the mental load is so high, it's precisely because people only see homework," says the expert. Of course, it's not a question of satisfying all your desires at all costs (we're still in the real world) but rather of questioning the very way to organize yourself. For example, how long has it been since I last settled? Do I manage to let go of the weekend, let the children play alone... " The objective to keep in mind: to keep a little time for yourself between all these worlds so as not to forget yourself completely," concludes Valérie Rocoplan,