In the midst of a boom in personal development, books, podcasts, conferences and webinars that deal with the acceptance and management of emotions are legion. Does this mean that we have all become "hypersensitive"?

In this case, how can we "manage" our emotions and those of others, especially our employees? And besides, is welcoming everything that touches on the emotions of one or the other one of the expectations of management? How to develop your emotional intelligence without worrying too much? Here are some tips.

Making room for emotions at work 

Emotions in the professional world, a taboo? If there was a time when we "compartmentalized" our lives to the point of masking our emotions to the point of not being " the same person " in private and at work, it is clear that today, it is increasingly accepted that we are whole beings, body, head and heart inseparable and that we are all crossed by emotions (fear, joy, sadness, anger, disgust...)

This acceptance of emotions at work is largely due to the attention paid to the quality of life at work, the prevention of psychosocial risks and the development of soft skills. Because it has been demonstrated, stifling one's emotions is harmful to health, affects the quality of relationships, and discourages the expression of centered  and balanced leadership. As a result, we don't really have a choice: emotions are there and acting as if this is not the case sometimes leads to disaster.

But is it so easy to deal with our emotions and those of others? Let's get out of misplaced modesty and hasty (self-)judgments in the face of the expression of emotions: those who cry are not weak, those who show anger are not soupe-au-lait, those who laugh are not crazy, those who apprehend certain situations are not cowards, those who grimace are not snobbys; But each of us can feel emotions, those signals that sound the alarm about our intimate needs. Including at work.

Especially at work, where there are often strong identity issues, challenging situations that shake up our daily routine, possibly power or power relations that test our stability, possibly conflicts ... Let's welcome our emotions: to let them in through the front door is to prevent them from turning the windows open and overflowing us on all sides.

A matter of co-responsibility 

There are our emotions... And then there is that of others! And we are not necessarily all in tune with emotions all the time. What turns me on can scare someone else; what makes me sad arouses anger elsewhere; what makes me feel bad may not generate anything salient in others... So, how do you get along (and work together) in such an emotional cacophony?

By playing co-responsibility: everyone is responsible for welcoming their own emotions, everyone is invited to take into account the emotions of others; Together, we are all responsible for the emotional climate that reigns in the collective. In concrete terms, what does this entail?

• To be honest with oneself: when I'm angry, for example, I don't make myself believe that I'm right on the substance and that others are stupid for not following me; I welcome anger for what it is, the signal of a need in me (to be secure about my legitimacy, to gain recognition, to be considered with respect, to have more autonomy...).

• Empathy for others: their emotions are valid and by putting on a person's glasses (or if you prefer, shoes), we are better able to identify what produces their manifestation.

• To the interest in the relational dynamics within a group: when a person expresses an emotion, it does not only concern him but also speaks of the context and the situation; In addition, the expression of emotions is in itself a transformative factor for the environment (no one feels quite the same in a team after bursts of laughter, tears have flowed or anger has been triggered).

Acceptance and understanding

Once everyone's responsibility is clear to all concerned, something will have to be done with the emotions that are expressed in the context of the work group. "Acceptance", an anglicism meaning "action of receiving" is one of the keys to qualitative management of emotions: recognizing emotion as a right, supporting the person who expresses it in identifying and designating this emotion and bringing out the underlying need that is contained in it allows us to better "understand ourselves". In other words, to make emotion a subject of concern to all parties involved directly or indirectly impacted.

But in practice, isn't it a bit of a gas factory, all these steps to be observed in order to welcome an emotion (knowing that statistically, in a collective, there is a whole amount of it that passes by in a single day)? It is not so much a matter of steps to follow as of posture to hold and train in one's daily practice. When the emotion is expressed, let's give it voice and speech: your colleague seems very upset by a given situation, let him/her know that you have noticed by giving him/her a benevolent look and/or asking him/her how it is doing, make yourself available for an exchange about what is bothering him/her (possibly, by offering to take a break together), Listen, show interest, and question the needs behind the scenes.

The Contributions of Non-Violent Communication

To accompany this maieutic approach to the expression of emotion and the needs it gives to be taken into consideration, it is welcome to call on the contributions of Non-Violent Communication (NVC). This consists of:

• Say what you observe (get to the facts): "I noticed that you seemed upset during the meeting..."

• Communicate how you feel (put words to emotions): "Did what was said make you angry? made you sad? worried ?..."

• Express unmet needs (suggest taking a step further in the analysis of the emotion expressed): "What makes you particularly angry about what has been said?..." 

• Bring about a clear request (invite to convert the expression of the need into a modality of action): "Do you think it would be useful to come back to this episode with the protagonists, so that everyone can express their point of view in a more readable way and that everyone understands each other better?... In this case, what prevents you from asking to take a little moment of debriefing?... As long as you put the formalities into it, while remaining understandable about your objectives, there is no reason for it to add discomfort to discomfort..."

The key to NVC is to make room for the "I" of the first person as much as possible: thus, on the one hand, one can make one's singular voice heard from one's subjective point of view (but no less valid than any other subjective point of view) but also avoid misunderstandings and feelings of aggression in others. In other words, expressing "I'm quite sad about what I heard the other day about...", is always more effective in starting a dialogue than throwing out "It's deplorable what you say about... It's selfish and I'm only half surprised coming from you." Between these two extremes, there are a thousand and one nuances to be modulated in order to be understood as closely as possible to one's feelings, needs and requests.